Monthly Archives: February 2012

whoami

Something happens and you make up your mind that you will not do that again. A bit of you changes. Something happens in the life of someone close to you, you learn from that and make up your mind about not being a certain way. Someone cheats you and you make up your mind not trust anyone easily again. Someone blames you or finds fault in everything you do, you make up your mind to give so much to the things that you do that nobody ever gets a chance to blame you again. Every thing that happens, changes something within you. What I am saying is that what we are, is may be because of whatever has happened in our life.

People who don’t know me think I am a strong person, who knows what she does and won’t break down easily. Speaks to the point and what is required. People who do know me, know that I am an extremely emotional person and the slightest of words or things hurt me and make me cry. If you’ve seen me cry, then maybe you are one of the persons close to me. I am very hot headed and when upset or angry can’t think clearly. So I either start crying or arguing (Well, the end result of arguing also ends up with me crying).

I worry a lot. About the most frivolous things too. I think about all the possible negative scenarios. 😦 I came to be this way because back in my childhood days, I observed that when I was positive and hopeful about something, it never happened. This slowly made me think negatively and then when I got what I wanted I would be so happy. This made me think that I would jinx things, if I thought it would go great. I say touchwood for a million things!

But this emotional nature is affecting my work life. The slightest of issues cropping up in the things that I worked hard on makes me worry and bother. The manager is a total pain who doesn’t understand, so communication is a big issue. A lot of work seems to go unappreciated. Slightest of rude words or taunts or jokes from friends or colleagues, hurt me and makes me wanna cry.

A close friend fought with me for this nature of mine and told that this is not how I should work. I should not limit myself. I gotta stop thinking that things won’t work, that I will get blamed and everything will get messed up, what will people think etc. I was told by the friend, outright in the face that I should be able to accept criticism and that it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is right. I gotta to stick to facts and need not worry about others as long as I know that I am right. No matter how many arguments we had, it ends up with me wanting to cry. I am finding it hard to even to imagine trying to change myself now. It seems like an impossible thing. What do you have to say? How easy would it be for you?

Get a feeling of having lost myself, somewhere. Can only think of the following lines, which seem so apt –

Ae waqt ruk ja, tham ja teher ja, wapas zara daud peeche.
Main chhod aayi khud ko jahan pe, woh reh gaya mod peeche….

P.S: ‘whoami’ is a command in Unix which identifies the logged in user. πŸ˜‰ Yeah I know, I’m a gone case!! πŸ™‚

2 Comments

Filed under friends, justMe

Damager

Do you ever feel like boring a hole through someone’s ear and making them try to listen to you? Yeah I feel that a lot nowadays. Had always heard that all managers are a pain, never believed in it. Always thought it all depends on how we handle it. If someone gives me my own theory for an advice now, they might end up getting punched in the face. All I would have to say is go and work in my place. Also if you are a manager and you are here reading this, then I just hope you are not one of this kind andΒ  if you are, then I hope you get some sense after reading this.

For one, he is a totally non-technical guy who doesn’t even know some of the basics of the product that he is selling to his customers. He’s been here for more than 3 years now. Arre ab toh kuch karo!

Off late he has been getting into a row with the director ofΒ  the project. Why, you ask? That’s because he over commits everything. In the team you do an estimate and tell him that it needs three weeks to complete the analysis and design. He would go and commit for completing the implementation in three weeks, when parallely working on something else. To top it all, the requirements are never-ever clear. It has happened more than a couple of times when he has insisted and I have gone ahead and done the analysis, design and implementation and it has turned out later on that the feature has been deferred and we will not be supporting it. All my time and effort down the stinking drain. x-(

You try explaining something to him, it bounces of his head. I wonder if it even touches the ear-drum. 😐

His vocabulary is so limited. For instance, some of his regulars are – “that must be just a 2 line code change“, “no, no, no, it’s not like that”, “you can push it today na” ( he means the code change πŸ˜‰ ), “that’s a very good suggestion”. For heaven’s sake! Not everything is a 2 line code change, shut up and listen, it can’t be pushed today no matter how hard you try and think something on your own too.

He thinks that people have no life apart from work. Announces a weekend work schedule on a Friday evening, calls up at 9.30 in the night asking you to connect to a meeting at 10.30 pm, which goes on till 12.30 am. Calls you on weekends to find out if the issue is tested. Ask him for leave, he asks you to work from home. Ask for work from home, juniors are not privileged for it. Taking leave on Fridays and Mondays will include the Saturday and Sunday and the client will not bill us. So, all the outstation people, forget you families.

Yeah I can go on and on. You ask why am I here, shouting out hoarse? Coz this is where I can!! Remember, he doesn’t listen? Well, like I said in the previous post, already had an argument too. One year into the project here and you already wake up in the morning, not wanting to go to work, man that’s an achievement! 😦

8 Comments

Filed under inMyOpinion, office, unpleasant