Category Archives: beginning

Nothing but change is constant

When will I learn, that everything will change. It will!

People, whom you love the most. They change. They have to. To adapt to various things happening in their life. For them to be happy. They have to change to cope with things. Nobody wants to be miserable. In the yearn to be happy, all of us modify ourselves.

Situations, which you are comfortable in, changes. The job, which you had been doing well in. The colleagues, who were more than that, they were best friends. New policies come up, projects come to an end, people are left jobless, all the friends quit to get new jobs and you are left alone because you are in a situation where you cannot switch jobs right now.

Work, it’s so boring without the team. The enthusiasm to stay late and the zeal to work is there when there are others accompanying you. Releases nearing seem fun only when you are planning for an outing with the team after it. Meetings are fun when you keep seeing each other, pinging nonsense, totally not listening to guyΒ conducting it. πŸ˜€Β You listen sadly over a call when the team celebrates a birthday 350 km away. 😐 Every day at work holds out the change after the transfer, in your face!

Friends can’t be around when you are getting married, coz you are the last one to be getting married. Some girls are already married and have moved to different countries, guys have gone abroad to study, friends from the North will be home for Diwali (the only time they can get a long leave) and the rest of them are busy with the preparation for their own wedding which is just around the same time. 😦

Family, people who were busy shouting at you to get married, are running about for it’s preparation. In dealing with work and additional responsibilities, there’s no time left. Everything in the house, the objects, the room, the books everything seems so special, now that I have to part with it.

Changes suck! I have always hated them. 😑 Like I was telling to a friend the other day, just when you adapt yourself to it, life sticks it’s tongue out at you and chooses to go in it’s own direction. There you are left again, wishing things remain how it were before. 😦

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Filed under beginning, life, moods

Back again!

Hmm.. Long time, no see.. πŸ˜€

Where do I begin?

Work’s been crazy with coming home late and worrying about finishing things. Mood hasn’t been too great either. Most importantly I have been plain lazy and procrastinating. πŸ˜€

Lately the feeling of ‘I’m not doing anything great’ has been eating me up at work. I agree long hours are going into working hard. But there is no satisfaction with the work I’m doing. I am not sure if many people feel the same or if it’s just me? The feeling of wanting to changing my module or domain of work is increasing. The woes related to transfer and finding a new job are too long to write about. 😦

All my hobbies and interests are all almost lost. I have more than half a dozen books, left unread. Crocheted works, left unfinished. In order to boost myself up, I signed up on Ravelry for a birthday exchange swap. There are 21 of us. The rules of the swap are that, on every individual’s b’day the remaining 20 are supposed to work on and send a package as gift. This should contain a store bought item, a hand made item and an item specific to our state.

I started working on the things to be made for the January b’day ladies and slowly the fear of whether I can finish is creeping in. I don’t wanna disappoint them. Damn! I will be so disappointed myself. 😦

What’s happening around me? More, more and more people I know getting married. You ask, what effect does that have on me? More, more and more pressure at home for me to get married too. 😦 I don’t know how to explain. But everytime the topic comes up, I get upset, worked up, angry etc.

I am scared and sort of hate the whole process of having to go take a photograph, meet someone whom I don’t know at all and think about spending my entire life with that person and a new family. I know, I maybe over reacting too much and that there are a whole lot of people who will tell me it’s not that bad. But still, as happy as I am about attending all the friends’ wedding, I am scared about my own.

The year is drawing to a close so rapidly. Where did the days fly? Why does it fly so soon? All my last year’s resolutions areΒ  left abandoned. Some which I lived upto for a long time, some which never took off and some which was given up on the way. πŸ˜‰

The new year fast approaches and to me it brings new questions, new situations, new resolutions and may be some new forms of pain and happiness. All that I can today from where I stand, is to wait and watch.

 

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Filed under beginning, end, justMe

>Time to say Bbye 2010!!

>Year 2010 has been an eventful year, with the usual ups and downs. When I was thinking of a post to end the year, I remembered my sis writing this post. I had liked it… So I’m doing a similar post this time.. πŸ˜€

A brief summary of 2010…

* what did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
– moved out to a different city to stay on my own, for work.

* did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
– partially yes… Yes, I have a long list this time.. πŸ˜€

* did anyone close to you give birth?
– Yup. My sister… πŸ™‚

* did anyone close to you die?
– No

* what countries did you visit?
– None

* what would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
– Clarity and Peace of mind.

* what date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
– April 9th, joined my current workplace.
– August 20th, my nephew was born.

* what was your biggest achievement of the year?
– refer question 1 πŸ˜‰

* what was your biggest failure?
– taking up GATE, and not doing well. 😦

* did you suffer illness or injury?
– suffered from neck pain for quite a few months.

* what was the best thing you bought?
– my Micromax Q55.

* whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
– different people at different instances.

* where did most of your money go?
– Insurance premium and house rent.

* what did you get really, really, really excited about?
– the nephew’s birth.

* compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? happier
– thinner or fatter? Just the same :-/
– richer or poorer? a lil bit richer

* what do you wish you’d done more of?
– Blogging, Reading and having fun.

* what do you wish you’d done less of?
– worrying.

* how will you be spending new year?
– with friends and room-mates, away from home 😦

* what was the best book you read?
– The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

* what was your greatest musical (re)discovery?
– I stick to listening to my all time favourites.. πŸ˜€

* what did you want and get?
– change of place.

* what did you want and not get?
– peace of mind.

* what was your favorite film of this year?
– I happened to watch all the flop movies 😦

* what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
– gave GATE and spent time with friends & family. 23.

* what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
– lesser misunderstandings.

* what/who kept you sane?
– loneliness.

* what did you miss?
– Home and Family.

* who was the best new person you met?
– met a lot of lovely people.

* tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
– Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone. Its true.. people have enough of trouble themselves, they don’t like hearing other’s woes. So learn to keep smiling.. πŸ™‚

* quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
– AraLuva hoovugaLe aalisiri, baaLondu horaata mareyadiri.
BeLagina kiranagaLe baNNisiri, IruLhinde, belakunTu torisiri..
 
How was the year which went by, for you??
Wishing everyone a very Happy and Prosperous New Year 2011!!! Have fun!! πŸ™‚

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Filed under beginning, end

>Home away from Home…

>Its been more than a fortnight since I am staying at a new place. Probably the longest I’ve stayed away from home in all these years. Even as kids me and my sis have always been the type who preferred staying at home rather than visiting and staying over at granny or grandpa’s place. Its so much more comfortable to stay at home, be and laze around the way we want.

One thing I’ve realized is that if you move to a new place with a prior mindset, that you are not gonna like the place or that its gonna be horrible. That’s what you are gonna get. Its gonna be really difficult to adjust to the new place. Thankfully, I didn’t have such a mindset. Only thing I was bothered with was the weather, and I am still struggling to get used to it. I see my colleagues at work who are from different places finding it really difficult here. I at least have the advantage of being a south indian and knowing a little bit of the language. They on the other hand have to use sign language to get their point across.. πŸ˜€

It was also an advantage to stay with people whom I knew. Its much better than staying with strangers. My roommates have been really nice and accepted me easily as one amongst them. They’ve hugged and consoled me at times when I was crying and feeling really lonely 😦
Thank you people!! πŸ™‚

The daily activities of getting up on time, reaching office, attending the classes, studying, getting back home and cooking our own dinner, made me realize how convenient it had been, back at home where my Mom would wake me up and I would eat Mom made food. I would complain when she repeatedly made Upma, every Saturday. Now I eat Idly-Vada for breakfast, at office, almost everyday. Love you Mom!!! πŸ™‚

Coming here has also made me realize that everyone’s different. You’ve got to adjust and keep quiet at times, when you so badly wanna give them a piece of your mind. You’ll find different kind of people at work, some who’ll get on your nerve and all you can do is bite your teeth and smile at the irritating things they say (Yeah… I’ve already met such people).

I am badly missing the rains and eating pani puri with friends, back in Bangalore. I thankfully had a chance of going home last weekend and I am looking forward to more such weekends. So what have you people been upto??

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Filed under beginning, Chennai

>Winter to Spring

>One of the things I’ve always wished for is to stay away from home atleast for sometime, either for studies or for work. I feel its a learning experience all by itself. Had never got a chance until now. Also when its happening now, I am going through a sort of mixed emotion. I guess its natural too..

I shall be moving to Chennai (hopefully only for a few months)  in less than 10 days, for a new job. It was totally unexpected and one of the rarest occurrences where I’ve been lucky. πŸ™‚ I was born and brought up in Bangalore and I simply LOVE the city. I agree it has its flaws, but nothing till now has been able to change my love for the city. My friends tell me its probably because I haven’t seen many places. But I don’t agree. I think its because I am too attached to this place. Having been here for 20+ years, nothing but Bangalore can be home to me. The thought of having to live away from here and live in a city to which I am a stranger is a scary and saddening.. 😦

The sadness of having to stay away from parents at the time that they actually need their children around cannot be expressed in words. The only thing that I tell them and myself in consolation is that they’ll be grandparents few months down the line and that they’ll have so much fun with their granddaughter/grandson that they’ll not even remember me.. πŸ˜› Seeing my mom’s sad and dad’s tired face brings tears to me. But I can only hope that staying away for sometime may make, me love them and they love me more… πŸ˜€

Accompanied with it is a feeling of loss, to be leaving the current workplace, which is probably the best and safest to be in, both in terms of learning and the people. The kind of friendly and lovable people I’ve met here are probably hard to find in the corporate world. I hadn’t felt much when having to leave college, quite unlike others. The sadness I am feeling, for having to leave this workplace is almost the same as what I had felt when leaving school… 😦

There’s some excitement and happiness too.. πŸ™‚ Happiness, that an unexpected wish came true.. Excitement of having to go and live, work and cope with everything myself. A sense of independence and responsibility which feels great. πŸ™‚

Also is the fear of whether I’ll be accepted in the new place, whether I’ll be good at the new work, whether I’ll find true friends as good as the old ones… All these feeling leave me drained. I hope things go through smoothly and I do my best. I know its just a few hours journey to home. It’ll be a thing to look forward to. πŸ™‚

You must be wondering what’s the relation between the title of the post and the post itself. Its just that I’m feeling like it is the transition from winter to spring, where the tree sheds all its leaves and slowly in some days the new ones start to spring out. I probably need to shed or leave behind the old things and start afresh and blossom in a new place… πŸ™‚

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Filed under beginning, nammaBengaluru, wishes

>Babbling Begins…

>I have been thinking of starting a blog for quite sometime now. But I’ve been really apprehensive about it, just like how I am before starting anything new. Speaking of my apprehensions, pessimism and inferiority complex, the fact that I am actually writing this post is a HUGE achievement…

I needed this sort of a breakthrough for myself :). It might not mean anything to anybody who reads this. In fact there might be reactions like “Big deal!! Lets see for how long she manages to do it..” Sincerely I don’t know…

– I don’t know if this is just a passing phase
– I don’t know if I will want to do this always
– I don’t know if my posts will even be interesting πŸ˜›

But… Its MY blog. So.. I’m gonna post when I want and stop when I want πŸ˜€ . So if there’s anybody interested in reading, Welcome!! and if you read this and you aren’t interested, No Problem.. Thank you and Ta-ta!!

Its a different thing to have something in your mind and a completely different thing to put it into words.. I’ll try my best. πŸ™‚ I hope I do a fair job… πŸ™‚

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Filed under beginning, wishes